Frequently asked questions

Instead of a pen pal system, we follow more of a "message-in-a-bottle" format. With our exchanges, you never know if the letter you sent or received are to/from the same person each time - everything is anonymous and (for the most part) randomized. There's still a chance that both people will end up receiving each other's letters again, but they wouldn't know for sure. Why do we do things this way? As you might imagine, there are certain pressures and judgments that can get attached to a pen pal relationship that we're trying to give people a chance to avoid. A back-and-forth exchange with someone puts pressure on a person to always have something to say back even when they don't want to, which can make people close up and sour the established relationship. Furthermore, it makes it harder for people to feel like they can be truly themselves and share their stories the first time they write a letter, because a established relationship with someone else means that they will be vulnerable to the judgment of someone else - and they'll hear and have to acknowledge that judgment. Our writers have found themselves worried about grammar, sentence pairing, etc. in such exchanges. A one-time relationship makes sure that both sides carefully gets the most that they can out of each letter by being very empathetic and thoughtful about the reading process, and it eases the fear of judgment or long-term burdens for the writing process. Additionally, as great as our intentions are, most people are not trained in mental health support! When we write to someone in a pen pal exchange, there's an implicit expectation that they'll acknowledge and try to respond back to the concerns we voiced. But honestly? Sometimes people aren't that great at giving advice, sometimes the writer didn't need advice, and sometimes people try to say something helpful but, because they are untrained, end up maybe making things more confusing. With a randomized process, you can still write your own story (you don't need to re-explain yourself every time!) and what you feel like. Almost like sharing a journal entry! You just don't have to worry about not knowing how to respond to someone or saying the wrong thing back. Also, in the navigation of our mental health and life stories, oftentimes we find that we need to redefine or reevaluate a part of our narrative or try another way of approaching it. In other words, we believe that people deserve the chance to start afresh: on a blank slate, you have the power to finally embody who you want to be. When you are confined to exchanging letters with the same person, sometimes it can feel too constricting, like you're stuck in the same narrative as you had first introduced to the other person. We hope this helps explain the format we've chosen! There are a lot of social media and online groups established to help people find pen pals, so if you still want a pen pal, try looking for one of those (note that we don't endorse any specific ones).